genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
