were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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