my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
