Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
