totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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