does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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