I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
