On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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