I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
