Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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