Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs speak an international language.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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