Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
