I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.