my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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