pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
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Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
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I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.