that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.