Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
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i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...