I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
