she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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