He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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