I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
