I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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