omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
