Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
