So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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