Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
