his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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