Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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