I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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