Can i not drive my cunt home
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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