I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
