I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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