I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
