Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
