He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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