I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
