can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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