Do you still have your period?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
