i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just google imaged poop.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
