make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
