New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
