Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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