whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
