Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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