I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
