I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize