He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
