There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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