she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
