Only a mothe r could love this liver
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
