If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
