he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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