I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My vagina is officially offended.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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