Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
