I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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