I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
