is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
