Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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