Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
