the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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