I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
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just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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