You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
