you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
