Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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