Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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