you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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