dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
