So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
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we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize