i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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