I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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