Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
